GREAT HEADLINES OF OUR TIME

Two magnificent headlines from the BBC website over the past 24 hours the peculiar - 'Sexual geography: Why is Hebden Bridge the lesbian capital of the UK' - and the almost perfect: 'Third failure in naked Atlantic pedalo crossing’.

DISLOYALTY

How many coalition ministers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to decide to change the bulb, one to launch the consultation and one to announce the u-turn.

GREAT HEADLINES OF THE INTERNET

I do like a good headline, regardless of the story beneath it and this one from the BBC website is a gem of the highest order:

'Malawi row over whether new law bans farting'

What's not to like?

POSITIVE SPIN

Life is full of blessings and curses.

Recently, my somewhat superannuated car had a fault which I needed to get sorted out at work. I didn't have roadside breakdown cover so I had to sign up there and then, resulting in a considerable premium being charged by the RAC. However the man who turned up was cheerful and resolved the problem quickly and got me on my way so it was money reasonably well spent. He also advised me what the problem was and said I would need to get it sorted at my local garage. This I duly did and drove the car to work yesterday satisfied of a problem resolved.

But alas! After work my brand new starter motor decided to burn itself out rather dramatically, making me one of those cursing fools standing at the side of the road as my car smoked alarmingly. Luckily I was deep in the Oxfordshire countryside rather than next to a motorway so at least my surroundings were nice.

And here's where the blessing comes in. Another very helpful RAC recovery man came to sort out my problem and to get me home - or at least to my local garage - which meant that I went from being in deficit to the breakdown firm to being in profit. One more breakdown this year and I will be winning hands down.

The other blessing was that as I had to return my car to the garage I was able to get my beloved bike out of the shed to cycle to Witney for the bus to work. It is difficult to overstate the delight I feel when I ride my bike, which I bought new all of 18 years ago and which still inspires me as few things do. Today is a glorious day so my ride was made even better, despite my apparent lack of fitness and the fact that I live in one of the highest places in the county, which means hills. Gently rolling down some of these hills as all manner of wildlife tries to fly into my throat, run in front of me, dive bomb me or otherwise kill me is one of those 'God is in his heaven' moments in life and today was no exception. Cycling really does get your blood pumping in the nicest way.

The final blessing was that, once in Witney, I bought a bus! Or at least I think I did since the fare was so unbelievably astronomical that I must have. I chose the bus over the train as I thought the train fare was too high but then I discovered that the bus fare was even more. I will write to the bus company (rhymes with 'beige poach') to discuss delivery of my bus and henceforth all my travel woes will be at an end. I will be able to hurtle around the Oxfordshire countryside threatening my fellow cyclists with impunity while my car does its best to support local business in Oxfordshire by breaking down with a regularity unknown outside of a Swiss clockmaker's emporium.

So you see, life is good even when it appears to have done something unpleasant in your coffee cup. There is probably a moral I could link to the coalition but I don't think I can manage that level of cheesiness. This is a 100% apolitical post.

Still, I wonder what Nick would have done...

FRIVOLITY

How many people in the new coalition does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three: One to make the change, one from the other party to shadow them and one Daily Telegraph journalist to write an expose about the Liberal Democrat

THERE IS A LIB DEM POLICY FOR EVERYTHING

I have just finished watching Question Time on BBC1, during which a number of members of the audience criticised the major parties for their focus on personalities and their lack of policies. May I beg to differ on behalf of the Lib Dems.

Being a Liberal Democrat PPC is an onerous task primarily because as a party we are so stuffed to the gills with policies on every subject that it is a daily task simply to keep up with them.

Not only are we the only party with a very clear idea about what caused the credit crunch, what the consequences of it have been and what we need to do to address these consequences (more later but for the moment Google 'Vince Cable' for more information), we are also the only party to have outlined plans for a 'green road' out of recession, a sensible idea to invest in green tech not because the planet needs us to but to improve Britain's economy and provide more people with long term jobs. We have policies on Europe (we are for it but highly critical of how it is run), policies on education (more money for children, which seems sensible) and lower taxes for everyone (criticise that, if you please).

Given this cornucopia of ideas on just about everything, I had to smile today when I received a message advising me about our policy towards pit ponies. Lib Dems wish to see protection for pit ponies included in the Animal Welfare Act, which they are currently excluded from. This is clearly a sensible, practical policy and one I would not hesitate to support.

However, practically speaking I am not aware that this is a major issue for the residents of Henley constituency. It also represents an additional policy which I - and my 645 colleagues around the country - must commit to memory. I shall have to resist a loud cheer if I am asked about this when meeting residents in South East Oxfordshire as I will be delighted to confirm that the Liberal Democrats - alone among the three main parties - do indeed have a policy on this and everything.

NB: for the avoidance of any doubt may I note that I am not in any way seeking to diminish the importance of the welfare of pit ponies. Rather I am making light of the fact that the Labour and Conservative Parties lack credible polices in a wide range of areas while the Lib Dems are very favourably endowed with proposals in all areas.

All parties are not the same.